I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
