2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
