I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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