i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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