i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is wine microwaveable?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
