The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
