She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
