You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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