I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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