Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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