Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm at about main and main street
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
