I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
