I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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