I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
