and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
