on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
