why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
