life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and i looked up. we had an audience...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
