hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
