Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
