u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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