Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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