Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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