jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
