**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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