At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
