You work out of a Hotel?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
