I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
