At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
