the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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