At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
