Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
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you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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