Got a toothbrush?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
