the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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