i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
