I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
