My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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