it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
