Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
