just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
