I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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