Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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