i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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