My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
