Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
