apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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