Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
