i permit you to call me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
