oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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