We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
