my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
