Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
