I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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