You work out of a Hotel?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
