is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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