they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
