I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
