i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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