Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
