I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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