also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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