a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish my penis had a tongue
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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