I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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