I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
