She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
