Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
