Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
