He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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