Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
