I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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