Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
