Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
