I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
