I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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