Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
