I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
