there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
