Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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