i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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