he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
