Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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