then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
