I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
