i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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